People who don’t sit down when there’s a space on the tube.

You are all massive cunts. You are the scourge of commuters everywhere, you stand there in the middle of the aisle, and when people get up from their seats and get off the tube, you don’t take their seat. If you don’t want to sit down, don’t stand in the middle of the fucking carriage between the seats. You are blocking the way for people like me who deliberately stand there to get seats. Nine times out of ten you’ll be blocking someone who’s been on the tube for more than two stops, and because of your ignorant, stupid, fucking childish blocking tactics, mean someone who’s just got on the tube gets a seat.

You all know it’s true. You get on, some douche moves down the carriage between the seats, you’re there, doing the same as you always do, eyeing up people to see if they pick up their bag, fold up their newspaper, put in a bookmark of some sorts in their novel and wait to pounce on the spare seat as soon as it’s vacated. But there’s someone in a better position to take the seat than you, it would be futile, rude even, to try to squeeze your butt into the space, so you resign yourself to standing till someone else in your vicinity gets off, and hope you are in a decent enough position to take their space. It’s like musical chairs, only no one gets a fun prize at the end.

No, not again, I mean, what the fuck, the seat is still empty, the douche in front of you hasn’t taken it, maybe its ok to push past to get there, oh fuck no, some fucker has just walked on, and is totally going to beat me to the seat, they’ve got the forward momentum from entering the tube, they’ve got a clear route to the seat, people are aware of their movement, people have seen the space. This isn’t fair, it should be my seat, I’ve been waiting for three stops to get a seat, and now I’m blocked by someone who doesn’t even want a seat, how did I get in this position, standing behind some fucker who should be standing well out of the way of people like me, people who want to sit the fuck down on the tube in the morning. You absolute bastard.

Why do you stand there if you don’t want a seat? Do you do it to annoy people like me, people who want a seat? Or are you just really really really fucking ignorant, dumb, retarded, stupid, or do you honestly think you are doing the right thing by moving down? Reality check, you are not, get the fuck out of my way before I do something you’ll regret.

I tell you what as well, I bet these people, the fucking pricks that don’t want to sit down (its 75% male as well, for some reason, women will get into catfights for seats whereas men don’t really want it as badly), I bet they are the assholes that stand on the left hand side of the escalator, so as to block me from moving up and down freely rather than the confines of the speed of the elevator. I bet they’re the ones who walk the wrong way through the underground between tubes, and stop suddenly to work out what line they need to take, so as to make me walk into them and apologise because I’m too fucking polite or tired or hung-over to bother with being rude. I bet they walk really really slowly down the stairs or between tubes and when you walk fast past them, they tut, sigh or complain, the ones that when you get off the tube and can see the tube you want to get waiting on the other platform make sure they walk as slow as possible so you look like a cunt by pushing past to get on the tube only for either
a) It to leave before you get there so you look like a bigger arsehole
b) It doesn’t leave for ages and you look like a massive bellend when you get on, having rushed and everyone on the carriage thinks you are a tool for rushing and smiling thinking “good, made it, I don’t have to wait another two minutes for another tube”

Plus, I reckon these cunts are the ones that, if they decided to cycle anywhere, would do it in the dark, without a helmet or hi vis clothing or lights and bike on the pavement because they think its ‘safer’. Safer for who asshole? You? Put a fucking helmet on, buy some lights and get on the fucking road, asshole.
Actually, just get the fuck out of London, you’re ruining it for the rest of us.